Wednesday, June 5, 2013

I Don't Wanna Be Decapitated St. Francis!

This is how I have been feeling today. A bit like St. Francis after he's been used as a bowling pin. If you're wondering, that's actually how he got broken...Rosemary used him as a bowling pin one time too many.

If you want to know the truth about it, I've been Grumpy Mom (again) today. 

I didn't want to be, but it's just that there's always somebody who wants something from me. There's somebody making noise around me, at me, on me, in spite of me. I'm hungry and didn't eat enough because I was focused on feeding other people. I swear, I reheated my coffee in the microwave at least 4 times this morning, and I never did finish the whole cup. And somebody was following me around ALL DAY with her hand shoved in my jeans pocket, laughing a lot and saying, "I'm attached to you! I'm attached to you, Mommy!", or insisting on helping me cut onions with a very sharp knife, or neeeeeeeding me to play, puhleeeeeeeeeeeeez?! How about now? Now? NOW? (Nobody EVER plays with that kid. She's totally neglected, in case you're wondering. There's also NOTHING that says her name on it--"Olivia". And she never gets anything or gets to do ANYTHING. Can you imagine?)
And in spite of all that puhleeeeeez-ing, there's laundry all over my house, dishes piling up in the sink, and dirt on the floor. Oh, and rhinestones. There are always, always rhinestones all over my floors. We love sparkly around here.

My body and my senses are not my own today, and I'm keenly aware of it. I guess I'm not in control of anything, including my emotions. 

And what I really want today is to sit in a quiet room, look out the window, sip a glass of wine, eat chocolate and Cheez-its, read awhile, take a ridiculously long bath, and then go to bed in the bedroom I slept in when I was a kid--because my dad put me in the basement and sound-proofed it so that he wouldn't have to hear me practice my french horn. Oh, how I long to sleep there. It was always so quiet and so dark at night.

This post by blogging buddy Jessica Smock resonated with me today. It's about how we introverts shouldn't feel bad about our need to step away from constant social interaction and get our mothering mojo back. So I am trying not to feel so bad about wanting to escape to a rubber room, but I'm also trying to figure out what to do about the issues I am having.

And I've decided that tomorrow is a new day

For the next week, my plan is to focus on three things: food, water, and sleep. Cyber-audience, I hereby solemnly vow that I will eat breakfast every day for a week. You heard it here first. And I will go to bed by 11pm every night. Yes, every night. And I will drink more water and less sugary, caffeinated crap. 

And we will reconvene after that, and I will be transformed into the She-ra of the mommy universe. I will become as beloved as St. Francis before that big ball from Wal-mart took off his head. Or at least I'll be less grumpy and better able to function. I am not sure about how to deal with the noise in my universe, but I guess I'll figure out something.

How do you cope when your universe gets too chaotic?