Mommy Insomnia Syndrome

Sloppy Copy Mommy, WebMD Edition

My name is Jessica and I am battling MIS. Mommy Insomnia Syndrome. It’s a medical term coined by me, a high school reading specialist and mommy. Please wait a moment while I put on my white lab coat so I can explain the signs and symptoms to you.

The first signs of MIS become apparent as soon as the mommy wakes up in the morning.  Patients have been observed craving coffee while they lay awake cursing the alarm as early as 5am. Often the mommy has woken up several times during the night, usually following the pattern she started when she became pregnant for the first time, though sometimes other people and animals just wake her up. Over and over. And over. Even when the parasites who feed off the mommy every other stinking waking minute of the night during infancy start to sleep through (3 long years later), the mommy continues the pattern of waking up periodically ALL NIGHT LONG.  This prevents the afflicted mommy from obtaining a decent night’s sleep for several years, particularly when she continues to have children.

Dear Keurig: A Love Letter

I'd have included a picture of my own Keurig, but there were coffee stains next to it. But look how sexy this one is.

Dear Keurig, 

What’s up (or down)? It’s been a few hours since we last talked, and I just felt a need to put this down publicly—you know, in cyberspace. That’s how strongly I feel my feelings. They’re cyberspace-worthy. And they’re true, and you can know this, Keurig, because you’re reading them on the internet.