These Aren't the Moments We Live For, But...

It’s 8:03pm and my girls are asleep. 

This grin isn't toothless...Sure is cute, though. Yeah, not asleep.

Not the kind of “sleep” that involves the isometric exercise that is my children scrunching their eyelids so that they’re all wrinkly and shaking while the eyelashes just poke out; not the kind of “sleep” a child does with a toothless grin on her face because she’s thinking that you think she’s asleep and looking just like she did as a tiny, angelic baby. Not the kind of "sleep" where the minute you close the door and walk away, she’s hiding under the covers with her Violet the Dog, making Violet light up and sing songs that say her name in that narcissistic way designed specifically for the toddler set. I don’t hear Violet saying, “Hello, Olivia! Let’s sing a song about YOU!” Not this time.

Mommy Insomnia Syndrome

Sloppy Copy Mommy, WebMD Edition

My name is Jessica and I am battling MIS. Mommy Insomnia Syndrome. It’s a medical term coined by me, a high school reading specialist and mommy. Please wait a moment while I put on my white lab coat so I can explain the signs and symptoms to you.

The first signs of MIS become apparent as soon as the mommy wakes up in the morning.  Patients have been observed craving coffee while they lay awake cursing the alarm as early as 5am. Often the mommy has woken up several times during the night, usually following the pattern she started when she became pregnant for the first time, though sometimes other people and animals just wake her up. Over and over. And over. Even when the parasites who feed off the mommy every other stinking waking minute of the night during infancy start to sleep through (3 long years later), the mommy continues the pattern of waking up periodically ALL NIGHT LONG.  This prevents the afflicted mommy from obtaining a decent night’s sleep for several years, particularly when she continues to have children.

Lofty Goals: New Year's Resolution Update

When I was in kindergarten, I was going to be a prima ballerina. Yes, I was going to make my living wearing a sparkly pink tutu and spinning around a lot. 

That's me applying blush to my colleague's face. It's hard wearing tutus and putting on makeup. Okay, well that could've been me...

By the time I was in 4^th grade, I was going to be the first female President of the United States. I was thinking big. I was young, and I was going to conquer the world. 

Somebody was going to have to go if my face was fitting up there.

But if experience has taught me nothing else, it’s taught me to set reasonable, attainable goals. 

The Day We (Finally) Threw Away the Halloween Candy

Today, my husband and I made a critical decision. We threw away the Halloween candy.

It's been taking up precious realty on the top of our piano since...well, October 31.

I guess we should've let the Easter Bunny take it away when he brought fresh loot, but we didn't. Instead, we left it on top of the piano, high up where short people and thieving dogs forget to look. Out of sight, out of mind. Occasionally, someone would look at the top of the piano and say, "Hey, can I have some Halloween candy? Just one piece?" Usually we'd say, "No way. Are you kidding me? That is Halloween candy. Do you know how long that's been sitting there?" Sometimes, very occasionally, we'd say, "Why don't you go find your (Valentine's Day candy / Easter candy / candy from church / candy from that birthday party), instead?" The Halloween pumpkins would just sit up there with their bellies full. I can't say that I know why.